Recorded by: Buddy Wasisname and the Other Fellers
Written by: Words: Blackmore & Chaulk Music: Wayne Chaulk


Just a little while ago while sitting in my bath
A catastrophic avalanche fell down in my path!
Bottles tubes and jars full of lotions, dyes and scrubs
Fell from the shelf and overflowed the tub!

The shaving cream exploded spraying foam around place!
I slipped, tripped and splattered some peroxide on my face!
My head struck and squeezed the contents from a tube of dye
And with my hair turning white I surfaced brown around the eyes!

Honey! Come rescue me!
Honey! Enlighten me!
‘Cause I’m nipped in the bud,
stuck in the mud,
Trapped in the tub,
Come pull the plug
I’m underneath the stuff that makes you beautiful!

Suddenly I realized the surplus of this stuff!
Liners, gels and perfumes and stinky powder puffs
My private parts responded to the skin reducing cream
Combining with the wart remover…I began to scream!

My wife came running in to the commotion in the loo!
I stood there like some alien created from shampoo!
The hair remover started to work below the belt
She bolted out the door and ran screaming for help!


As the cuticle remover took the nails from my toes
I realized while drying off, there’s something I don’t know
This beauty stuff is dangerous in a concentrated dose
And potentially it might just cause your marriage to foreclose.

So to all you men who listen here’s some sound advice,
There’s a secret operation in your bathroom every night.
She’s spent a million dollars and she might have looks to kill!
But if her spending doesn’t get to you her beauty treatments will.