Recorded by: Buddy Wasisname and the Other Fellers
Written by: Kevin Blackmore


Never pack your woman’s suitcase when you’re going on a trip
There’s a danger you may wind up with a swollen bleeding lip
You know it’s very likely you will leave something behind
And all the while you’re travelling you won’t have peace of mind!

She will natter, nag and needle you over every piece of clothes
and whether you packed ten or twenty pairs of panty hose!

Brushes, and puffs and soaps and stuff, effects best left unseen,
all items concerning feminine hygiene
and many, many details that she can’t be without.
She’ll hound you and confound you, lessons I learned well.

For never no no never at any time of year
should a man be forced to figure out just what his woman wears!

Young King Eddy gave the crown to his brother George
because Wally Simpson, while sailing from New York
kicked up a stink over a mink coat Eddy’d left behind
and now there is no Yankee blood in the Royal line!


Imagine the first couple, sent together into space
just imagine something vital wasn’t packed into her case!

Well if he’d been so stupid as to assemble all her gear
and a specific special gadget somehow wasn’t there,
that historic star-bound mission, now could not return,
a woman is responsible her man had never learned!

Never pack your woman’s suitcase, there is nothing quite as blind
It’s foolhardy and dangerous, there’s something you won’t find!

Never pack your woman’s suitcase when you’re going on a trip
You can’t ever know her sizes, her bust her waist her hips,
you’ll never know her colours, if you do she’ll not agree
Let her do it by herself, to hell with chivalry!