Recorded by: Buddy Wasisname and the Other Fellers
Written by: Ray Johnson, Kevin Blackmore and Wayne Chaulk

Lyrics

(KEVIN)
I can only take so much of that garbage b’ys before I got to bust out all over old man

Any catholics here?
Catholics?

Catholics right on! Who-hoo!

Any Protestants here

(WAYNE)
Yeah woo lets go

(KEVIN)
Now how many Catholics are there?

Yes brudder!

(RAY)
Now of course there got to be Salvation Army here

(KEVIN)
Oh you know that they’re there

I knows how to get them out old man just hit that giant tambourine there for a second

(RAY)
Look look!
Look at the hands going
Look look look

(KEVIN)
The one’s that’s clapping, that’s them!
After a while old man they gets right rangy
“Swinging from the rafters
Swinging from the rafters!”

(KEVIN)
I suppose we got the United Church crowd to
United Church crowd
Come from the nutting
Going nowhere
Easy does it crowd
Go to church on Sunday drop two dollars in the collection plate come home
don’t do nothing tell next Sunday kind of crowd
Got it easy b’y
If you wants it easy go to the United Church
You don’t have to do nothing over there
They’re not so sure you know
They pray, “To Whom it May Concern”
Nothing, nothing, nothing
How many Anglicans is out there amongst you crowd now?
Ah ah ah buddy don’t be so proud old man, you’re only Catholics once removed!

(RAY)
He feels right proud Kevin

(KEVIN)
Yes my son
Yeah, Anglicans, no doubt, yes, they’re something now

You give up your one way ticket when you stopped blessing yourself
Forget it

(RAY)
Pentecost

(KEVIN)
Yeah
We got them here old man
They’re not saying anything though
Pentecost
Those
They usually gets away
Far from everybody as they can
They goes up there in the boxes and stuff
Pentecost’s up there for sure
Here’s what turns on the Pentecost’s old man watch this
Poof!
See that old man?
Instant collection plate luh
Says ten percent right on the bottom luh

(RAY)
Now Kevin all jokes to one side now
Really what it boils down to
Is that you’re growing up as a Catholic
Really was it?

(KEVIN)
My sonny b’y
Raymond look

(RAY)
You had it tough

(KEVIN)
My son
I had work for it
Got up in the morning
I prayed cause I woke up

(RAY)
Now see
That difficult

(KEVIN)
I went to church for an hour
I went to school
Before school
Before recess
After recess
Before lunch
After lunch
And when school ended in the afternoon
That was eight hours a day full time

(RAY)
I see

(KEVIN)
Full time Catholic
See b’y
I never had much time for nothing else
Little bit of overtime to play with the Protestants
But you don’t mind that
You know

(RAY)
Now Kevin you were trained by the nuns

(KEVIN)
Now b’y I tell you the ones we had
I wouldn’t call them nuns
I’d call them ninja

(RAY)
How do you figure that Kevin?

(KEVIN)
Soon as I saw that black belt brother
I knew it
Karate
They were about ten foot tall old man
Their, their, their were ugly big things old man

(RAY)
Now

(KEVIN)
They had intermittent bibs at the top and the coke bottle glasses with the
infrared beams coming out of them searching for alien life on the floor you know

(RAY)
I could never
I could never understand why those sisters wore those bibs

(KEVIN)
Well they wore bibs Ray ’cause they eat with snow blowers
They can’t shovel it in fast enough
We had the Sisters of Caustic Acid teaching us
I had Sister Acetone
What a mean woman
I mean tis one thing Ray to be put out of class
Tis quite another to be shoved through a wall first

(RAY)
Sure
It is b’y