Recorded by: Buddy Wasisname and the Other Fellers
Written by: Wayne Chaulk
Ray: Now ladies and gentlemen, our show wouldn’t be complete without a Newfoundland recitation, and Wayne has really put a nice something together in story form, called the Cat-Fish Story. Have a listen.
When I was a boy of very few years, I heard me father say, “Cats will cause you trouble son, sure they’re better put away.” But now I neglected his advice, and I got one a year ago. And last Saturday night his words came back as plain as the driven snow.
You see, the time was up for a party, so I got some wine and beer. I got myself a ten pound salmon, I called friends far and near. But preparations were hampered when I discovered to my chagrin that the cursed cat had chewed away half of the salmon’s skin.
So I fed the cat to the snowbank and I pondered on its crime And I went to work since the party hoard would arrive in a very short time. After doctoring the lovely fish, I was convinced that none could tell So the secret I would keep to myself till all hands had their fill.
Now there was Joe from the Cove and Bill from the Hill and fat Miss Martin too And George came down from the Barracks Hill on his 20 year old Skidoo By they danced, laughed, sang and they ate, till the night was properly spent And in various states to merriment, to their homes they went.
But now I was left with a mighty mess, so I started to tidy away But while I was passing along by the window I saw an object in the driveway So I opened the door for a closer look, and there stretched still and cold Lay the old black cat with no more life than Georgie’s clothesline pole.
I tried to continue but to no avail, for fearful thoughts occurred. Suppose it was the salmon that killed the cat – food poisoning – that was the word.
So panic struck. Unfocused eyes scanned the telephone book
A number for the doctor, as the pages shivered and shook.
His advice to me was definite – “Everyone should be contacted. And they should go to the local hospital and their stomach contents extracted.” Thirty phone calls later, and all hands were informed, And as they dragged themselves to the hospital new cursing words were born.
I daresay it was 6 o’clock in the morning before the strange ordeal was through And I was strolling up through me driveway, when out came Georgie Carew. He looked at me with eyes so sad and words that knocked me flat, “Last night when I came home, old man, I ran over your old black cat.”