Recorded by: Buddy Wasisname and the Other Fellers
Written by: Kevin Blackmore, Ray Johnson


Me mother used to smoke, well she laughed and drank and joked
Well she might’ve reached a hundred but was ninety when she died
But me father did his best, exercised and all the rest.
Took trouble with his water, reached forty and expired!

So I’m leavin’ all that heavin’ all that liftin’ and all that wheezin’
All that pushin’ and that squeeezin’ ain’t no way to live your life!
Take the lumps and bumps my Paddy, let your belly turn to jelly.
Why live a life of misery trying to add some time to life?

Cousin Ralphie had his health, he had intelligence and wealth
he should’ve got to ninety but was snuffed at ninety one
Jogging backwards down the road with the Stones in his ‘phones,
enraptured by the harmony from a dump truck B flat horn.

My sister stays in shape, doin’ squats and liftin’ weights.
She can lift three hundred fifty pounds and weighs almost as much!
She eats just like a horse, and works as much of course.
Mostly flexin’ muscles in her jaws and cheeks and guts!